I will have very complicated feelings about life. This very incident that happened to me and to a friend. We are friends. For a short period of time but I feel a connection with this friend. We both love music, always questioning the meaning of life, constantly trying to hone our skills and sharing songs and strange things we love. It was a short period of time and I really like this friend of mine. It is purely friendship and sometimes I wish I know this friend of mine more.

Things changed. Relationships changed. How it is so easy for my friend to fall out with another. I fell out with  my best course buddy. Things get ugly. People are ugly once you know them too well. You start to see their flaws and how they start to take things for granted. It is as if you will always be there for them. They start looking for new friends, people who can keep them entertain, people whom they can make use of.

Songs that can describe this, Basement Jaxx good luck, Gotye and Kimbra Somebody that I used to Know,  and Gotye Bronte. How I can I be so silly? A friend that I have for a year and a half, that I barely know? I think trust has always been a very huge issue for me. Too many times being used. Too many times, telling myself it is okay to put the ones we love before ourselves but how long can this one sided maintenance last? When you are the one who keeps on giving and the other only receives? You start to ask yourself, is it even worth it? After a year an a half, do you really know this person? 

There are so many disappointments in life. I’m trying very hard to get towards my goal but shit just happens. Sometimes I really feel very tired. I really want to just close my eyes and rest forever. 

I’m slowly beginning to hate people. I really hate everyone. I got close to another friend but I slowly beginning to see that she is very judgemental. She is constantly talking about how gay the guys in our school were. She will ask me if I think that someone she points to is gay. She talks about how people of the different gender should walk, how people should dress, how different gender should behave. I’m sometimes disgusted by what she says. I remember asking once or twice if she was a homophobic and she denies it. I know she is. She just wouldn’t admit it. She thinks I’m joking but I am actually dead serious. Sometimes she jokes about giving me a extreme makeover to make me look like a girl. What’s wrong with my cute-cool shirts, skinny fit jeans and vans. Girls do dress like that. Why must we wear skirts, low cuts, high heels, thick makeup? Does that really define how woman should look? I think girls should be free to wear whatever they feel comfortable in and the same goes to guys. Why must we have a mould to shape everyone and making people conform. Conformity in this case is boring. Why doesn’t some people see that it is the differences in life that really brightens up the world? How knowing someone completely difference is inspirational and we can learn a thing or two from everyone?  Even as a friend, who are you to tell someone how she should live her life? Most importantly it is her life, not yours. You may suggest but never impose your beliefs on another. I believe in acceptance. Accepting the fact that everyone is different and giving everyone that little space they need in order to breathe. I stand for same sex marriage perhaps because I know how it feels to be judge. In the eyes of others, how sometimes people can’t help but feel discriminated. People judge all the time and what makes they think they are right? 

I’m really tired and my spine is hurting so bad. I am going to bed.