Update!!!
School started and things got crazy. Stayed in the animation lab 2 days straight just to finish up. Just didn’t have the energy to go on and I think I did every other thing than actually finishing up my project.
It was fun at first but gradually modeling gets horrible and so is sound design. It’s funny how passion when treated as school work starts to get a little dry and I’m not really enjoying myself. I should start to do something I like instead of doing it just for the sake of submission.
Music has been stale too. There are so many performances but I’m not really enjoying myself anymore. Perhaps of the restrictions in song choices and playing too much radio friendly stuff made things monotonous. Like basic hits of cajon and I’m not really feeling the groove. I’m so weird in that way and I don’t tell anyone. I will just move on to bigger stuff instead of playing music in school. It just feel that I’m not able to express myself musically with all this parameters. Like stale bread that no one touches. Come on!
Why do I always feel that I’m not good enough. There’s always flaws… In music, I know how to push myself to greater heights but in arts it’s a total new ball game. I really don’t know where to start or how to improve my drawings. Improvements are ever so slightly and it gets a little frustrating seeing how people grew to a greater height while I’m still walking at the same spot though I tried. Just too sick of being average and I want to something beyond. Larger than life. What they always say!
If given a choice of doing music or art, I’ll choose music at the moment. At least it’s something I’m confident about and I could work on.
It’s pretty amazing how hanging out with certain friends gives me a sense of direction. What I want in life and what I wanted to be surrounded with.
Some people just don’t. Hanging out with them may be fun but that’s that.
There must be something in life to die for to be living the dream. Why are people contented with so little? I really don’t get it. Is it they gave up their dreams or are they really happy people?
Open my eyes
I really dig wordpress because this is a hidden blog or at least I presumed. The fact that I mentioned it quite a few times totally proved my point.
Finally I untied the knot in my heart since the start of school term. I finally know what major I want. I hope it is not too late. I just can’t described the wonderful feeling of knowing what I want in life. Perhaps better than orgasm. (Nah don’t know how it feels but should be good) Teehee. All these failures one by one made me grow as a person. Not that I like failure but I think tough times really put me to the test. Like they say the stronger the wind, the stronger the trees! (That’s what my sis pasted on the closet.)
My talk with Gab is always so reassuring. Awesome friend number one. The fact was simple to all my failure. – I wasn’t thinking enough. Ideas are one thing, execution another. That’s why my end product always don’t meet my expectation. It seems like such a commonsensical question but really when something was thrown at me, I found it hard to control. Point number 2, I should always choose what I love and not trying to be the person I’m not. That’s important. – Do not try to hard. Being with all my great aesthetically inclined friends make me learn that criticism is the way to go! No criticism = no improvement. Remember that time my dear friend criticized my work and changed my paradigm in viewing that project. That was perhaps one of the highest grade I got. I really don’t take constructive criticism to heart and I thank him for that. He’s so awesome. 
Do not be a selfish little prick and not share good stuff with friends. Help everyone! (This is one of my favorite things to do) Last but not least – risk taking. Life is all about taking risk! If you never try, you never know. Just like one of my most respected instructor said. Live life dangerously. Not having a life on the edge is equivalent to not living at all. Not having the guts to experiment is gonna hold back all the creativity.
I always like the idea of inspirations being everywhere, even a small talk with a nice friend can be mindfuck. (Exaggeration here)Even watching a movie is a research. (Haha) Art is all around us. Eat art, Breathe art, make art! To my dear friends who hit rock bottom, the only one is up so don’t cha worry. There will always be a person cheering you on though you might not know. Don’t give up. Try, try, try. What you reap is what you sow.
With so much being said, I hope I made my point. I learned a great lesson in life and I hope that all my friends do too.
I tried too hard
Epic failure. First is the battle of the bands. Next is 4d. Next is major area. Next is foundation drawing. Then comes being unable to meet my own expectation.
I tried too hard and I don’t get the results I want. God i really tried. I’m not slacking.
Sometimes I just feel like I’m not good enough. Sometimes I really want to give up.
You say just treat it as an experience. Don’t care about those grades. How I wish I can live those years again. When I was young and wild and free. As you grow older, you really realised that man is born free but everywhere in chains.
